“Everyone found their love story. Some have happily ever after. How I wish I could be the same way too. The feeling of “he will kiss me on my forehead”. A love story is one of the best parts of our lives and the mystery of love moves in mysterious ways.”
This month we celebrate the month of love, most of you may be excited to receive flowers and exchange love letters with your loved ones, but in my part, this is different.
Before I share my story, I will make this blog post as my confession.
I’m Opening Up
This year, I’m turning 25 years old without experiencing any love life. There were no exchanges of love letters and didn’t receive any flowers. I am still hoping that one day I will find my true love or my true love will find me. Sometimes, I asked myself if he even exists or I was born destined to be alone (I hope not!).
I am the person that you can call “hopeless romantic” meaning; idealistic, sentimental, dreamer, and a believer in the “happily ever after”. In short, I believe in romantic fairy tales and hoping to meet my prince charming someday.
As of the moment, I feel the pressure when it comes to relationship and marriage because we all know that by your 30’s you need to settle down, (I have 5 years left). So what’s going on? My family, friends, and everyone who knows me always ask me the same questions.
“Amay, why you still don’t have a boyfriend? Amay, why you don’t go out for some dates? Amay, why you don’t find a man that will make you feel happy?”
The feeling that everybody is pushing you but there is nothing, there’s really no one. I can’t imagine that I’m being too old and everyone is asking me when I will get married and why I don’t try to get in a relationship. What is the reason?
The Reasons why I Still Don’t Find my Prince Charming
Having 36-29-34 vital statistics, 5’2 in height. Okay, I’m not that sexy people! But not too bad as well, lol. I admit I’m not really as beautiful as what you would expect. I focused myself more on going out to concert and gigs. I’m a very talkative and funny person when it comes to attitude.
On the other hand, I am an introvert for the rest of the time and I love being alone. I am a workaholic and I love making music. With these qualities, I can assume that I already lost in the search for the right man. I guess this is the first reason. But I’ll give you more.
I am a responsible person.
As a second breadwinner of the family, I have responsibility and priority first. I help my parents financially. Especially here in the Philippines, you need to work hard to sustain their wants and needs and also they need your support. During my college days, I was a working student. I studied in the morning and worked at night. I focused myself to finish my studies and achieve my goals in life, and that was a success for my parents too.
I have Monthsary Too
Imagine, I’m not yet married but I already have bills to pay. I have loans and I pay my little brother’s tuition. I have monthsary too you know, but not the same just like regular couples do. Exchanging love letters? Nahhh!! People give me a lot of enveloped letters. Letters of disconnection notice, and a lot of statements of account. They say we have different priorities in life. Indeed! We have different priorities, but even though you are the breadwinner of your family you have to give time for yourself too.
For me, this is not an easy thing to do. Sometimes, I come to the point where I don’t have time for myself because of the stress! I don’t have time to socialize and engage with people because of stress, lack of sleep and thinking a lot of things instead. In my part, I need 8 hours of sleep and do the things that make me feel happy, but this was difficult.
What are the things that make me happy, you may ask?
Food is one of my sources of happiness and going to the restaurants is my kind of adventure. I also love making music. I’ll spend my time watching concerts, gigs, and travel. I made a blog to share my journey and thoughts in life to try to inspire other people. I also love making poetry to express my feelings.
Most of the girls my age might love to go shopping and pampering themselves. Maybe this is why I look different from them too. I love making funny jokes and do goofy things. Sometimes I’m being a bullish type of a person. Most of the time I’m being too realistic when it comes to life, so I guess this is why I am still single.
My Ideal Man
Yes! I know some of you are really curious about this topic. What’s my ideal man? My Ideal person isn’t what you think. It’s not about the looks, age, or life status like he’s rich or poor. My ideal man is the one who can accept me for who I am. Matured and ready for consequences, realistic and ready for acceptance.
These days trust is very important. I have fears when it comes about failing and disappointment. I’m a little bit conservative and honestly, I don’t have an idea how to flirt with someone else. In Filipino term, I am the Torpe one. I don’t tell my feelings to the person I love because I am afraid of rejection.
Most of the guys, but not all, love having fun, seducing, flirting. You know what I mean.
After that, if you give in to their wants, they leave you without any words. They will just make you fall for them and will only give you false hope. You lose when you give in, and they will disappear like a bubble in the air. I’m not that kind of girl who will give in to their wants. I am no longer a teenager, to play their games. I am into a more serious relationship.
You may be wondering, did I fall in love already?
Yes, I fell in love so many times but suddenly it doesn’t work. We all know it’s hard to catch someone’s attention especially if the person doesn’t really like you. Some relationships just don’t work out. No matter what the situations are; it is either the time, distance, commitment, or anything else. I think love can’t really find me. Love was not an easy thing to find on the island, but true love finds its own ways.
I really hope that one day my prayers will be heard and answered. Thinking that God will give me sympathy.
Maybe the reason is that this is not the right time for me yet. Sometimes, I’m thinking, do I deserve this kind of hurt? Thinking that God didn’t answer my prayers. I have many failures when it comes to getting into a relationship. I am still hoping my “prince charming” would find me. No one can tell when will it happen but I have high hopes that I will meet him someday. I believe that if you don’t expect anything, things will come unexpectedly.
If you’re single like me and still waiting for the answer, you don’t have to worry. The right time will come. Don’t rush things, don’t let others dictate you, instead enjoy yourself. Do the things that make you feel happy. Have faith with a heart full of hopes because life is full of high hopes. I hope my story will inspire you.