Lifestyle and weight management can be a real struggle. The feeling of being trapped in your own body, unsure of what to do is intolerable and unbearable.
Being fat sucks, alright? It’s awful. Terrible. Just overall sucky. The feeling of being trapped in your own body, constantly overheated. The inability to move without pain, the lack of self-esteem. Yeah, being fat sucks and that’s a mild way to put it.
Being fat is like driving a 1990 Toyota. It’s hot and stuffy and just plain ugly. And that’s why, when I found myself to be a plump, round 14-year-old, I decided to change, to fix my life once and for all. But I never expected my journey to turn out the way it did, to turn into a lifelong struggle.
How did it all Start
Let me give you a little introduction. My name is Anish and I am a male who is currently 15 years and 11 months old. I would say 16 years, but my parents always told me to never lie. Anyways, I used to be fat, then I got skinny, then I got kind of buff. That’s the summary, but there is a hell of a lot more to it. Let me explain.
At the age of 14, I was 6 feet tall and weighed in at 200 pounds of pure fat. I looked and felt like an outsider, someone who didn’t fit in the world I was in. I was constantly ridiculed by both my friends and my peers. Life was a constant struggle. After one particularly bad day, I decided that life for me had to change. I was getting tired of hearing all the fat jokes directed at me, my self-esteem was at an all-time low, and to be frank I just wanted to look good. And so I started to lose weight.
People think that losing weight is some dramatic event and that it builds up a character and all that jazz. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s not. At least not in the way I did it.
Getting into Dieting
I started off my diet cutting the portion sizes of my food down to nearly nothing. I was eating around 800 calories a day, which is NOT enough if you can’t tell already. Each day for me was filled with anguish and fatigue. Eating too little really messed with your mind, and I was feeling the full effect of it.
You see, there are all these scientific explanations regarding low-calorie diets, but just hear me out. They are bad for you. But being the naive and stubborn person that I was and still am, I decided to carry on. Because results were coming.
Summer soon approached, and I started to go to tennis camp. Now if you don’t know what tennis camp is, you are lucky. Eight hours of tennis really takes a toll on the body, especially when you’re starving yourself while doing it, which was exactly what I was doing. Over the next 2 months, I had lost 35 pounds, weighing in at around 145 pounds by the end of the summer.
My summer consisted of pure tennis and diet. I look back at that summer and regret my decisions. So much time was wasted that summer lying on my bed, struggling to stay awake at 6 PM. I was miserable. I like to think that my summer was useless, and it kind of was. I didn’t study nor did I prepare for my upcoming year of school. But it was the summer of change for me, and it was necessary. I had finally lost my belly.
Back to School
Returning to school was a fun experience for me. I walked into the school and in my mind I felt like someone was playing “I’m sexy and I know it”, blasting it throughout the school. Because, damn, I felt sexy. Everyone complimented me as soon as they saw me and I soaked it in. The compliments went straight through my ears and to my brain, corrupting it in a sense. I just wanted more and more praise for the improvements in my lifestyle and weight management. Which my dumbass brain attributed to losing more weight.
Now being 145 pounds at 6 feet tall is quite skinny. But I was still unsatisfied with my body. I felt fat and felt like my clothes didn’t fit. I felt that since losing weight has helped me look more attractive, losing more weight would make me even more attractive. How wrong I was. Over the course of the next few months, I dropped another 25 pounds, reaching my all-time low weight of 120 pounds. I was a walking, talking skeleton.
As I was losing weight, I got a barrage of different comments from people. They ranged from showing praise to calling me anorexic. Looking back on it, I probably did look pretty anorexic. I wouldn’t eat much food during the day and was quite skinny. But most people use the word anorexic to describe appearance. And anorexia is described as a mental disorder. Sure I was skinny, I didn’t truly have anorexia, right?
When Enough is Enough
Now you’re probably wondering about what my relationship with food was like, and to be honest, it was not good. I was scared to eat any food that I hadn’t meticulously weighed and counted. Food was constantly on my mind. Worry is the leading cause of stress, and by god was I stressed as heck. Life to me sucked, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t contemplate death a few times. I wanted to rid myself of the torture that was food and change the lifestyle and weight management plan I thought I had.
Finally, I decided that enough was enough. I started to go to my school’s gym and began to lift. I walked into the gym on Day 1, sat down on the bench press, and failed to press the bar for 5 reps. So this is where it starts. I kept on trying in the gym, doing various types of lifts. But nothing would work for me.
After 3 months I had made literally no progress whatsoever. I was even more depressed than before. My friends kept making muscle gains while I stayed skinny, and it ticked me off. I knew deep down that the issue was my eating habits. I had been reluctant to admit it, but I soon had to face the facts. I had anorexia. I was not eating enough at all. I struggled to eat 1500 calories a day, well below what a teenage boy should eat, and got scared when I ate more.
Fight it Myself
Instead of seeking treatment, like any normal person would do, I decided to fight it myself. I reluctantly increased my caloric intake and began to eat some of the foods I had been so scared of in the past. Over the next 2 months, I gained nearly 15 pounds, getting back up to 145 pounds. I had finally begun to feel good about my body. But the job was not done yet.
I had gained a new desire. A desire to gain muscle. I wanted to do everything I could possibly do to gain muscle mass. And so I did it. I started following a lifting program and began to eat more. And by the end of the summer, I was 160 pounds of muscle. It’s been 8 or so months since then, and I’ve since gained another 15 or so pounds of muscle.
My relationship with food has improved dramatically. I’m not scared to eat! Crazy, right? Hey, accomplishment is in the eye of the beholder. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. It’s great when you look in the mirror and don’t immediately turn away. For the past 2 years I’ve been so self-conscious about my appearance, and now I’ve finally done myself of it.
Lifestyle and Weight Management Continuation
Two years ago I couldn’t imagine myself looking the way I do now. And I still have so much left to strive for. It’s kind of cool how life just has so much to offer. And by god am I going to take advantage of life, and improve every damn thing I can. Because I’ll never be perfect, but it doesn’t hurt to try.
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