I was 14 years old and I was in class 9 when my parents and I moved to a town in West Bengal India as my father was a senior police officer. One Sunday morning my dad and I went out for grocery shopping and that was the first time I saw the man who taught my heart to beat faster and made my cheeks turn crimson.
He was older than me, but age doesn’t matter, I had a crush on him instantly. His eyes were captivating and I was enchanted. He was the man who swept me off my feet. I didn’t even know who he was so I asked my dad.
My dad told me that he is the elder brother of a powerful person in our town. My innocent heart got dismayed when I knew that his brother is a powerful politician. I told myself, “he would never notice me” and I tried to move on.
After completing high school, I moved to New Delhi, the capital of India, to pursue my graduate degree in August 2011. I tried to move on and I tried to get into relationships but I couldn’t because I still had a desire for the man who first stole my heart unknowingly. I had rejected many suitors.
Be careful what you wish for
When my mom passed away in 2012 there were some predicament situations in which the politician brother of the man of my dreams helped us. I was once again bewitched, but I never spoke to the man of my dreams. I wished that he would be mine and now I regret why I wished for it. Be careful what you wish for.
My dad died on the 3rd of April 2016, four years after my mom passed away. I was 23 years old then. I was broken.
In November after a whole day of classes and work I came back home and opened Facebook. I saw my crush’s facebook friendship request. My heart skipped a beat. It was like a dream come true. For years I didn’t see him and never spoke to him but it felt like God has granted my wishes. The “man of my dreams” sent me a facebook friend request. I accepted his request without any hesitation.
To support my studies, as I was still a medical student, I worked as a journalist. Though I was already well-known, I always wanted to be a doctor. No matter how well-known I was then, my eyes were fixed on my goal.
He was everything I wanted in a man
When he asked what I do now I told him I was a journalist. As it is a big deal being in Media and he is a politician’s brother he started flattering me. I was naive to think it was love. As days and months went by, the frequency of our conversations increased. Then, one day I decided to go back to my hometown and meet him. It was February 2017 when I took his phone number and planned everything. There’s the second mistake I made.
The day I reached my hometown after getting off from the train I called him. As expected, he was polite, charming, funny, and everything I wanted in a man. He told me he would meet me in a nearby tea shop. We met there and on our “first date”, he was late. I didn’t mind it, he was the man of my dreams. We had a great time and then he asked me if I would like to spend my evening with him to which I agreed.
He took me to my place first and then to the place he used as his office. We talked for hours and then I don’t know how it happened, but all I can remember was his lips were biting mine. I could have made out with him but something inside stopped me. I called it a night and left.
His false claims
The next day, he called me up in the morning and said he wanted to have lunch with me. I refused because I had lunch plans with my best friend’s family. When I told him that, he got angry and we argued. I just took it as a sign of jealousy and let it pass by.
In the afternoon during lunch, my best friend’s brother came in. As soon as he saw me he pulled me aside and asked: “Is it true? You had sex with the councilor’s brother?” I said; “No, but we kissed”. He said that my crush had claimed that I wanted to sleep with him and he kept my wish because he is a great person.
I knew my best friend’s brother won’t lie because I was like a sister to him. I was hurt. I finished lunch, went back to my place, packed my bag and that very evening I took the train back to my place. My crush didn’t call back anymore after that morning’s argument and neither did I.
After 3 months he contacted me again over Whatsapp. I didn’t want to talk to him but I ended up talking anyway. This time I wanted to make him fall in love with me. Within 2 months from the first date, I came to know he had spread many false rumors against me in my hometown. These rumors had not only affected my reputation but my late parents’ reputation too.
I made mim fall in love with me
Not much after that, I decided to play his game on him. This time I made him fall in love with me, and he did. After he proposed to me, I made sure that he cleared up my parents’ name at least, if not mine, which he eventually did. Then again he started spreading around words that I had proposed to him and I “begged” him to be mine and marry me. He also claimed that I slept around with other guys because of my field of work.
Because of these rumors, I knew no one would respect or believe me so this time I thought of proposing to him. Though I thought of forgiving him after I came to know the garbage he was telling people about me I decided to make him pay big time. I started visiting my hometown on weekends. But I somehow convinced him to keep these meetings private. That was the beginning of our romance.
I don't think I love you
One fine Sunday evening he proposed to me for marriage. When he proposed for marriage I would have said yes but I asked for some time. While on my way back to my old house I opened my facebook and I saw a message in my inbox which had a screenshot.
The screenshot of my dream man said: “I bet if I propose to her for marriage she will never say no to me. Her father was an idiotically caring police officer and so is she. Her father cared for civilians more than himself and she will believe whatever I tell her”.
Someone commented: “She is not an idiot I can bet she will reject you.”
The mention of my dad boiled my blood I decided that it was enough now. I called him and said that I wanted to spend the night with him. I asked him to meet me in the same place where we had our first date. I arranged that the waiter in the tea shop hands him the note I wrote when he sits down. The note said: “I thought I love you, but I love myself more”. I left early in the morning back to my city.
After that, he constantly begged me for forgiveness. He had even accepted and admitted all of his mistakes but I had blocked him from everywhere. Whatsapp, Facebook and from the most important place my heart.
All is not lost
Today, I don’t believe in “True Love” or “Relationships” anymore.
Just because I don’t believe, it doesn’t mean that I lost hope. With a world full of anger and resentment, there’s always light on the horizon. One day, someday, someone might come into my life and get me to re-think. Until then, don’t lose faith or anything else that keeps you going forward, because, without it, you will find yourself alone in the dark.
Keep the light on!